‘The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord,they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The Lord is upright; He is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in Him”’ (Psalm 92:12–15).

The purpose

To put on an event which will enable church members to provide spiritual support and encouragement to Christians in care homes, as well as reaching older people with the gospel.

Running an event in a care home will also have the added benefit of helping to develop relationships with care home managers and carers, and hopefully encourage them during this time of immense pressure.

How to plan

1. Identify a group of church members who have a heart for older people, and who are committed to building relationships with a local care home.
2. Find out where the local care homes are in your area and then decide which one(s) to focus on.
3. Start praying as a group regularly.
4. Decide what you can offer a care home (i.e. running a service, offering prayer, or just chatting with residents – who may not otherwise have visitors and who are lonely).
5. Phone your local care home and introduce yourself and your church, explain what you can offer and ask them what their needs currently are. Care homes will have different needs depending on how they have been affected by coronavirus, and these needs may change ​on a regular basis. Let the care home know that you are appreciative of all they are doing, and that you are praying for them.
6. It’s also worth being aware that the Care Quality Commission (CQC), which regulates care homes, requires them to ensure their residents have access to religious provision, so your local care home may welcome your support.

Before the event

Introduce your church and your team to the care home manager and relevant staff. They will let you know the best times for visiting, and give you helpful information about the home, its procedures and routines, and anything they feel would be helpful for you to know about their residents.

Decide how many volunteers you need and ensure they have any relevant clearances the care home requires.

Check how well you can be heard in the room where the event or service will be held. It’s best if you take in a microphone and amplification equipment.

Top tips for leading a service

• Thank everyone for welcoming you into their home and say how pleased you are to be there. Make sure that everyone can see you and ask if everyone can hear well.
• Look as though you are pleased to be there. Body language can be as powerful as words!
• Be aware that some of the residents will be deaf so speaking a little slower with good pronunciation is necessary. If there is no amplification system you will need to speak loud enough to be heard.
• Introduce yourself and the rest of the team. It’s usually helpful to simply state which church you are from and give the name of the person leading the service.
• Be prepared to be flexible and remember that you are in a home not a church. Some people may comment out loud – which should be encouraged. It helps residents feel that they are part of the service, not simply passive recipients.
• If you are going to sing, use older hymns that are familiar instead of modern ones.
• Ask if anyone has a favourite hymn and why it is special for them.
• Use a version of the Bible that is familiar to older people.
• Ask if anyone would like to pray.
• Invite someone to read a verse or two of Scripture. It may be a good idea to have a large print version of the Bible.
• Keep the message short and to the point.
• Don’t be discouraged if residents fall asleep.
• Don’t be alarmed if residents interrupt – remember that some may be living with dementia.
• After the service, always speak to everyone who has attended and tell them how good it is to be with them.
• Smile and encourage the staff; they do a very demanding job and will appreciate a kind word.
• There may be family or friends present, so make them feel part of the service if they wish.
• Helpful resources

You may use your own material but if you are looking for a resource then ‘Worshipping Together’ by Pilgrims’ Friend Society is very good. You can find other this and other resources on reaching out to care homes in our resource hub.

COVID19

If you are unable to access a care home then there are other ways to engage. A friend of mine, Bev, manages the care home team at a city mission and suggests that people send postcards with encouraging messages:

‘They are much appreciated. They know people outside are thinking of them. We need to pray for staff who are stretched. We are praying that the DVDs we sent with hymns and prayers will encourage those who are Christians, and really touch the hearts of those who aren’t, that they will turn to God in this time.’

By Carl Knightly

Carl Knightly is the Director of Church Networks at London City Mission and prior to that was the CEO at Faith in Later Life, where is still an Ambassador. This post first appeared as one of the many mission ideas at Passion For Life.

What a great question! We put out the question on our Twitter and through our networks. Here are some of the responses that came back:

Mel Lacy, who is the Director of Growing Young Disciples, responded ‘I think the only place you see this is in Christian kid’s books that refer to grandparents. There’s some good examples of this and they are usually positive. Mostly about prayer & spiritual leadership, less about spiritual maturity or discipleship. I guess some of the missionary biographies for kids also tell the story of older saints and their service of God.’

Ali Campbell, a consultant on youth and children’s ministry at The Resource  suggested ‘Been thinking on this and – no, not really. Although, with Christmas coming up, I’d recommend @GMcCaughrean’s
take on the Jesse Tree. A contemporary story, of an old wood worker and an inquisitive child which weaves in the Jesse Tree narrative’, here from Eden.

Alison Keddilty suggested reading Max Lucado’s The Oak Inside the Acorn, then steering the conversation to consider what oaks we know and how they can help us grow to be strong oaks too.

In 2020 Marion Husband was inspired to write a book for a friend who showered her grandchild with knitted gifts. It was awarded first prize for the Scottish Association of Writers 2020 and is published by Malcom Down, a Christian publisher, who writes this about it:

“Granny was far more important than she realised as she knitted wonderful gifts for her grandchildren. Although her memory was fading, the love from her family didn’t, it grew stronger. ‘Granny Came to Visit‘ is an original story, told through the eyes of a child who has a very loving relationship with his Grann. The theme throughout is of kindness, with Granny wanting to shower the child with gifts. Although Granny often forgets things, the central message conveyed is that sharing our emotions and caring for others leads to happiness.”

We know there also re great books about grandparenting, like Anita Cleverly’s book on Faithful Grandparenting,  and so many great stories to share about intergenerational living, like this story of intergenerational encouragement on our blog .

The charity TruthBeTold bring children and those in care homes together, using intergenerational storytelling to share the love of Christ. Founder Gemma Gillard spoke at one of our monthly church champion training sessions  (and you can sign up as a church champion for older people to hear about future events like this).

1 in 4 of today’s pre-school girls, and 1 in 5 pre-school boys will live to be 100 years old, according to @ONS. Perhaps we need to start talking about ageing a lot earlier,

Do you know of any great books for children about that teach children about older age from a Christian perspective? If you do, or if you’ve even written one, we’d love to hear from you!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  Supermarket shelves are full of all things Christmassy, and Sainsbury’s is handing out its seasonal food order forms.  After months of Covid separation friends and families are planning to celebrate a ‘proper’ Christmas, one that includes worshipping together again in ‘real’ church services.  And the company, the celebrations and the worship can bring a special blessing for people living with dementia.

One of the greatest gifts is the way the Holy Spirit magnifies our understanding of all things spiritual (2 Corinthians 4: 18).  Dementia affects the brain and cognition, but it doesn’t touch the soul and the spirit of a person, and at Christmas time, especially, the Holy Spirit can be released through our worship and spiritual songs.  There’s a reflection of this in the lyrics to ‘O Holy Night’, where it goes,  ‘long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.’

This year Christmas will bring together people who haven’t seen each other for a long time and you may see some changes among older relatives.  Experts are expecting a rise in dementia because of the Covid effect, and it’s known that feelings of loneliness increase vulnerability to dementia.  But forgetfulness, and apathy may be due to mild cognitive impairment (MCI), a condition that again, can be brought on by stress and loneliness.  MCI is reversible in most cases.

If your Christmas gatherings include someone with dementia or MCI you’ll want them to be contented.  They will enjoy the time better if their sensory input is not overloaded.  A comfy chair in the corner, with a little side table for a cup of tea and a mince pie is better than in the centre of a crowded room with high noise levels.

An excellent example of including someone with a disability without putting them under pressure happened around a hospital bed.  Marie, in her late 60s, was recovering after major surgery.  She had a large family of six children, and one evening they came into the hospital and, after greeting her with a careful hug, found some chairs and sat around her bed and chatted amongst themselves, with an occasional word or nod to her.  She clearly felt included, but wasn’t expected to have to make an effort to join in, although she did a few times, of course.  She was just happy to have them there and see them being family.  Each of them brought a little gift and put it on her bedside locker, which made it look like Christmas.

At Christmas time, through the worship and familiar, beloved hymns and liturgy, deep calls to deep and the Holy Spirit speaks to our spirits.  We are ‘strangely warmed’ as John Wesley described an experience.  It touches the essence of who we are, and can make our spirits soar.  Spirit to spirit communication bypasses a damaged brain, and makes a soul feel its worth.  It can also help the person emerge through the fog, with faculties that they had apparently lost.  It happens at other times of the year of course, but there is more stimulus at Christmas time with its church services, worship, and Scripture reading.   It is a precious thing to be touched by the Holy Spirit.

You can also find a small programme of Brain & Soul Boosting for Seniors (BSBS) at Christmas time, produced by Faith in Later Life’s sister charity Pilgrim’s Friends. We are receiving good reports on the results being seen, and the Christmas version is suitable for a small group or for a couple. Another resource great for sharing together is a new picture book, ‘God’s Word in God’s World.’, designed by Ruth Ranger, who is a Faith in Later Life Church Champion, and whose father is in one of the Pilgrim Friends homes.  Looking at the pictures and saying the Scripture verses out loud can be a boon for someone living with dementia.

Louise Morse is a speaker and author of several books on issues of old age, including dementia.  She is also external relations manager with the Pilgrims’ Friend Society, a Christian charity founded in 1807 to help support needy elderly Christians.

The Very Reverend Stephen Lake, Dean of Gloucester reflects on how lighting a candle, or simply pausing in the silence, perhaps year after year, might help people:“I think people will come, and come back again, and then they become part of the church’s story and of Jesus’ story, and they engage in ways that very often we don’t get to see.” (from the Church Support Hub)

Church can be a safe place to talk about grief and loss. Remembering can involve giving thanks, giving space for emotions, gathering people and memories together, saying prayers or blessings, and finding comfort and hope in Christ. God can speak powerfully in All Souls and Remembrance services through times of silence and stillness, through traditional music and words and through symbolic actions. Acts of kindness, even as simple as sharing cake, can be powerful.

As Christian charity ‘Loss and Hope’ write:

“2020/2021 has been unprecedented as we have faced the uncertainty, anxiety, changes and grief caused by the Covid pandemic.  Much has been lost – people, jobs, schooling, freedoms, routines and perhaps even hope.  This year, the Season of Remembering, from All Souls’ to Remembrance Day, has an added poignancy and there is special need in our communities to pause, reflect and remember.  What this looks like will be different in different contexts.”

“An All Souls’ Day service will be on or near 2nd November and will remember those who have died at any time and in any way; a Remembrance Service around 11th November will be specifically about people who have died in the world wars or armed service; a ‘Thanksgiving and Remembering’ service, or special remembering activity, can be held with any focus and at any time.  Loss is often compounded and any specific service or activity will remind people of unresolved past or present loss and pain.  There is often a need to ‘do’ something and to ‘mark’ a loss to help to bring closure and healing.”

The Church Support Hub have some suggestions:

• Remember to mention your ‘All Souls’ or equivalent service to all those who have had a funeral in the last year or even further back. You can publicise this on your website, and/or contact the bereaved families directly.
• The title ‘All Souls’ may not mean much to those who are not used to church. Even though that is what it is, another name, such as ‘Service for the bereaved’ may help them identify it is a service specifically for them.
• Special dates like Christmas, Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day can be difficult times for people, whether bereaved recently or long ago. Think of these people when planning sermons ahead of these services. Include appropriate prayers  for those who are finding the season of celebration difficult.
• Consider putting on a different kind of service at a separate time from the main celebration, to specifically cater for bereaved families. See the Church Support Hub Ideas section for more possibilities.

In September 2021 Sandra Millar from the Life Events team at the Church of England delivered a webinar about remembering Services in (which you can watch here).

During the session they were asked about when people move into more complicated grief. They advise that “it’s vitally important to remember that there are limits to what we can provide – and to recognise when we have reached our limits, but also to realise that most grief doesn’t fall into the category of complicated grief. Most people can be supported by “contact, listen, bless” – that is: being in touch, listening and offering kindness – and many people have found that talking (for example as part of a Bereavement Journey group) has enabled them either to move forwards, or to identify that they need specialist help.

As a result of the pandemic, grief is more likely to be complicated though – so do look for specialist support groups and counselling via the At A Loss website, just click on ‘Find support’. People can also seek help through their GPs or via the Association of Christian Counsellors.”

More resources

• Resources from the Church Print Hub for All Souls, bereavement, remembrance and funeral services and a way to light an online candle
• Presentation from Loss and Hope on remembering services Loss and Hope on remembering services
• Free downloadable All Souls thanksgiving and remembering service liturgy booklet
• A range of free and editable resources for community remembering services, and  thanksgiving remembering services from Loss and Hope Season of Remembering
• A website hub of bereavement information and support services at ataloss.org,
• An article on Blue Christmas with an order of service
• Remembrance publicity resources from CPO